Week 3-Half way?

Dear Friends,

This weeks marks us being in Tunisia for 3 weeks! This means two things; first, we are officially half way through our time here(which frankly makes me want cry...), and second on this past Friday, we finished our first two week session of camp. The fact that camp 1 is done is honestly a bit of a relief. Over the past two weeks, we have had 6 different teachers or assistants get sick and be physically unable to teach, including me and both of my roommates, which I'm told has never happened in the history of this camp. Amidst all my sickness, I have found myself becoming more and more discontent, frustrated, and confused. Here I am; trying to teach and having to run out of the room and get sick, and then come back and continue like nothing happened, how could this be the Lord's plan for my summer? How can I bless anyone in the state that I'm in? If you know me well, you know that I am two things; stubborn, and a perfectionist. I hold myself to a very high standard, and it's for me to accept anything less, so with each sick day, each time I had to run out of the room to get sick, every time I had to stay inside from recess because I was so dizzy I couldn't see straight, I became more and more unhappy with myself, and felt more and more guilty. If we're being honest, I found myself feeling like I hadn't done my students justice, because I just physically couldn't give as much of me as I would have liked to. I just felt so inadequate, confused, and frustrated with my situation. All of these complex emotions continued to build up and I found myself sitting on the bathroom floor of the club on Friday night after getting sick again, and just weeping. Genuinely just wondering how on earth this could be God's plan for my summer, and wondering what on Earth was going on with my body. As I talked later with my trip leader about everything, there were good conversations, lots of tears, lots of prayers, but I left feeling like even though I'm still trying to sort out why I'm here, and working on finding my identity in the Lord, and not in my constant need for perfection, I know the Lord is still good, and is walking with me through this next week, and the next camp. 

<3 Always,

Rose